By Anjani Sharma.
The celebration of mothers has been a ritual and a deep-rooted cultural norm since ages. While mothers are the most glorified and celebrated species in this world, the fact that this is the most subtle form of suppressing woman, remains camouflaged behind. I call it an ‘a subtle act of suppression.’
One very consequential issue which still remains under shade, is forced motherhood. There are many women who do not want to be mothers. These women are labelled selfish for being vocal (major women being hesitant to be vocal about it and frustrated over the way they feel) about their originality. They feel conflicted because they tend not to confirm with the society’s stigmatized “rules”. Gradually, the peer pressure and shaming is so intense that they accept forced motherhood, giving up on their own being.
A study conducted by Ashoka University’s Genpact Centre for Women’s Leadership, titled “Predicament of Returning Mothers”, presents that only 27% women return to work post maternity and 48% of them drop out in few months of joining because of the pressure and guilt and also the unavailability of a care taker for the baby. A mother, going to work, is already a member of something called the ‘guilt trip club’. To add to the guilt and dilemma of the mother are the orthodox societal stigmas which is projected on the working mother in the form of everyday mockery by her own family and friends. The guilt is like an infusion in their DNAs from generations of elder women. It’s like a witch hunt.
I am craving “Mom-made food!” How many times a day do we say this statement? Returning from hostel or some other town, the first thing that’s on our mind is ‘Maa ke haath ka khana’. As if she is some restaurant and we have a life time subscription. While our craving is that of home-made food, yet we love to add our mothers as prefix. Somehow our mother’s mechanism is such that she will definitely drop off all her work to suffice our demands.
This glorification and thence the guilt, which is like a cycle, is rooted across class. The former CEO of PepsiCo, Indra Nooyi, in an interview talked about her guilt of not being a witness to many of her daughter’s accomplishments. I have seen similar traits in my domestic help who had to leave her children behind at the village and move to the city. Whether it’s an entrepreneur of a renowned organization or a woman working as domestic help, none is untouched from the gaslight. All women, are superhuman for going through the process of birthing a child. However, glorifying them at every step of their life is a trick to tie them down and finally making them feel guilty hence ‘a subtle act of suppression’. While we see them giving up on their individuality so easily with a smile, what is unseen is the mental battle that she has to undergo to choose between her self-worth and the accepted line of thoughts. Respect is what they deserve, not suppression through glorification.
Very true. At times, as children we suppress our own mothers by comparing them with other kind of mothers. Either we look down upon our mother because they are not as independent and free as a working woman; or we simply hate our working mothers as they do not give us enough time and look down upon them comparing them to the ones who gave their full fledged time to their families and children. Ironical.
Absolutely!
Sooooo inspiring and thoughtful <3
So true, this guilt trip remains always..