By Anjani Sharma –
Women suffering at the hands of patriarchy is an age-old tradition which has gradually become deep-rooted in the human operating system. History has it that the female beings have always had to fight a battle to gain even pettiest of rights.
Who is an ideal woman in our society? Any woman but an ambitious one. She, basically is the vamp of a household, who dares to be pioneering. Being a part of a typical middle class Indian household, I have been a witness to the custom of seeking permission from a male member for any action, ranging from going out shopping to an important decision like career selection. There is a created need for patriarchal assurance.
How it starts ?
As a child, if you can recall, whenever you seeked permission from your mother, one reply that you got — “Ask your dad”. The woman has no authority to permit lest she make a wrong decision. “All wisdom is in the male pants!” Growing up you must have realized, how your brother would stop seeking permissions, rather become a permission giver and you, on contrary, are still struggling to go out shopping. The gyrate continues and you become automated permission seeker. This is because you never got a chance to decide and hence doubt your ability to do so. You and the furnitures are a coterie now! The disguised misogyny now takes a step further.
Do it After Marriage !
“Can I visit Goa with friends?”, “Can I pursue further education?” “Can I laugh?” – ” Shadi ke baad.” The universal revert that major women get for all their aspirations. The thought that goes behind this is that the daughter is someone else’s property (“Paraya Dhan“) therefore she has to be protected at any cost until she goes to her right owner. This patriarchal thought disables the woman’s potentials and forges dependency on her right from the childhood.
Aftermath of Marriage !
Now that you have successfully been donated to your rightful owner, the right to guide you wisely, now is staked at your holder’s(husband) hands. It’s at the sole discretion of your owner to allow you your own life and freedom. When you are independent and operate from your mind (which, apparently is in the knees) questions like, “Does your husband allow?” or “How do you manage work and personal life?”, are conveniently thrown at you. These questions are never directed to men, precisely because they are only to support the household financially. The duty ends there. Who has divided works among men and women and what’s the ground? It’s the society that has created this rift to keep women under control.
While these norms are being broken by many inspiring women, its still is shameful that there are such norms which downsizes a woman’s abilities to valueless traits. It took my mother, years to actually speak for herself, however, the seeking of permission has gone to her blood so gravely that she still looks for assurance, if not from her husband, then definitely from her children. While it may look like she is just trying to discuss, it actually is the post patriarchal effects that has remained engraved in her mind unknowingly. Many women will agree with me on this. Discussing and sharing is a sign of equality but seeking permission is a sign of dominance that has got diluted in the society like sugar dissolves in water.
International Women’s Day (8th March) is around the corner, let’s pledge to imagine a gender equal world. A world that is free of bias, stereotypes, and discrimination, a world where difference is valued and celebrated and a world that is diverse, equitable, and inclusive. Together we can achieve women’s equality. Collectively we can all #BreakTheBias.
So true.. On point…